


Regurgitate

by aNGELICmURDER



Series: Drabble March [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bulimia, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-14
Updated: 2012-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-01 22:33:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aNGELICmURDER/pseuds/aNGELICmURDER
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are days when it's easy to drown out the voice and there are the days when it isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regurgitate

**Author's Note:**

> Triggers: Graphic descriptions of regurgitation. You have been warned.

Regurgitate

I pull back and gasp, the gastric acid in the toilet is giving me a headache but it would be worth it. I grab the plastic stirring rod and begin shoving it back down my throat. My throat tightens around the rod and I feel my stomach lurch. More dinner comes up, cutting off my breathing until the flow stops. _I hope you know Alfred worked hard on that._

I pant for a while, catching my breath as the world stops spinning. I flush and watch the dinner go down the bowl. It’s sick, what I’m doing, but I don’t have much choice. I train harder and harder everyday but the weight keeps piling on and on. I lost all the fat in my face but it migrated and started growing on my thighs, stomach, arms, everywhere that could hold fat started gaining it.

I check the toilet again, nothing is left back. I wash my mouth at the tub. After - _puking up your guts?_ \- this, I could never look in the mirror. _It’s because you know it’s wrong. Some boy wonder you are._

‘Shut up.’

 _What would they think if they saw you like this? Weak, snivelling, bent over a tub trying to hide the fact that you’re too weak to save yourself. How are you suppose to protect Gotham?_ The voice is malicious, cutting me in a place I never knew could hurt this badly.

“I said, Shut up!” Another very smart response; it always has the most power after I finish, when I’m too weak to shut it out and all my reasons sound so stupid. I want to crawl into the tub and remind myself that it’s worth it; worth the biting remarks and dizziness. _Imagine what Batman would think if he saw you._

“Dick.” I freeze, the light from the open door is bathing the wall in front of me. I hadn’t even noticed when Bruce had opened it. I turn and face him, what would he say? What would he think? What is he thinking now?

“Dick, oh god Dick.” He moves faster than I’ve ever seen him and I’m wrapped in his arms. He is tense all over the same way he’s tense when we patrol Gotham. But we aren’t on patrol. I grip his arm but he barely moves.

I look up but there is nothing I can say that would make the worry fade from his eyes. “God Dick, I should have noticed, I should have seen this.” He is whispering into my hair and I want to say something, anything that would make him think that this is not his fault. I don’t say anything even when I feel tears drop onto my scalp. _See what you’ve done?_

I tell the voice to shut up and let Bruce’s sweater soak up my tears.


End file.
